i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
