my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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