I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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