i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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