a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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