OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
