ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and i looked up. we had an audience...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
