he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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