dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
