fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
