He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
