The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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