Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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