dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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