You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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