she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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