Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
