She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
