i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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