I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
