there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
bring money and cleavage
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
