How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
