You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
