After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize