I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
