She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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