last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
