Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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