don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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