i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
zippers are such a cool invention
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
