I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
