i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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