So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
