He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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