I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
