I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
