Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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