I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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