Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize