please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
