Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we have pet lesbian snakes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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