You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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