i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
