Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
