She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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