I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
