my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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