She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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