is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
