i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
