uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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