I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
