there's paper in my vomit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
