he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
