the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
