I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I could make wine with my vomit
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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