K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it hurts more in the daytime
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
