so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
