When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
