dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
