I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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