Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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