it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am available for nakedness
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
