so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
