sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
