matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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