I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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