Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
