Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
