i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
