you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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