I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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