Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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