Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
