he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
