So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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