you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
