I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
