Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Farmville is her only friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
