So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
