dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
