I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
